(no subject)

[parthenia]

Day 3: The route to financial loveliness

I'm not sure I can even explain what I did today without incurring derisive or incredulous laughter, but it boils down to this: I opened a credit card statement and read it, then I logged on my internet bank and paid it. I read all the way to the end of the statement, all the transactions, and I cringed at a couple of them because they represent more bits of financial tidying-up that need to be done. The steps are in order of severity, I suppose: I fix the biggest, stupidest, most expensive problem, and then I go on to the next one.

Today deserves a little gold sticker. parthenia14 was brave at the bank today.

I think I must have some kind of bizarre malfunction when it comes to thinking about money because I engage in all sorts of stupid, stupid, really really fucking stupid practices that I would scoff at in someone else's story. Because, really, how can anyone be that dim?

Possibly people with ostrich-like attitudes to financial management, that's who. I hate admin even when it's my own very best interests. I hate financial admin the way I hate washing up and sorting laundry - dull dull dead time when I could be doing something way more productive like ...watching television or reading or surfin the internet. Yes. Jeez. I cling to being disorganised, being fluffy about money. It's mad.

Anyway, one action a day is good. You don't get stuck in horrified self-hatred, you keep on moving. These last three days have been the big hits, the eyewatering ones. Next up are the teeny weeny dribbly moneylosing things, like forgotten subscriptions.

Also, what all the books on organising yourself never tell you: the key to overcoming some of the resistance to the dull repetitive is to make them nice things. Rather than the latest tune from radio KFCK (as fabu would describe it) playing in your head, I play some music or drink a coffee while I'm doing it. I think I'm slowly making the unpalatable job into a little treat, making the tedious chore a bit more meaningful. Quite why it all needs to be this resistant, I'm not sure.

Anyway. Progress is being made, even if it is postively glacial in nature.

ETA: I have just discovered Moneysavingexpert.com and its terrifying DemotivatorDemotivator (cost calculator for daily Starbucks, and other vices). In this way it turns out I spend £200 a year on the Guardian. 0.o

Comments

[melusina]

So much empathy! I really relate to the ostrich-like avoidance and the anxiety that comes from even *thinking* about some of this stuff. (I have some stupid money tricks that would astound you!) I completely understand how opening the statement, reading it, and paying the bill takes a huge amount of courage! I'm really impressed with your efforts so far - this seems like a very doable plan. . .

Next week husband and I are going to start a 13 week course (one night a week for 2 hours) on "financial peace." It covers all aspects of your finances from budgeting and getting out of debt to saving for retirement and college. I think the approach is similar to yours in that we'll have small tasks to complete as "homework" in between sessions. I'm hoping it will help us correct our bad habits and also get on the same page about money. . .

[parthenia14.livejournal.com]

(I have some stupid money tricks that would astound you!)

Er, not so much, actually - there's only so much self-disclosure even I can tolerate on this one, but some of my habits are gobsmackingly poor. My failure to post cheques is a standing joke.

I've been known to watch some of the reality TV shows on debt rather smugly, going, 'Oooh, well at least I don't owe that much and I certainly don't spend loads of money on designer clothes I don't wear' while blithely ignoring some truly atrocious things that I do.

I haven't really got a plan. I have to file my taxes at the end of this month, so it's a good time to do everything. At the moment, my general idea is to tackle one financial to-do, each day, starting with the greatest money losers, and working my way down. Once I stop the leaks and figure out my tax bill I have to...*headdesk* *headesk* face my pension planning. Or lack of it.

Every step takes much longer to do than I realise, just because things need to be tracked down, I have to activate moribund accounts, and then ring people, and so on. Actually, it's more like getting fit than anything else... But if I carry on being this stupid, I'm going to be in increasingly bad shape for what is likely to be a bad year.

[ruric.livejournal.com]

I've spent the last um....27 years practicising an ostrich like approach to all things financial.

I know how much I earn, I know what my major outgoings are wot must be paid, and I know that I will spend ALL (if not ALL plus a little bit more) of my salary.

I live salary payment to salary payment kidding myself that with the flat in London, the place in Wales and (technically speaking) the house in Sheffield occupied by my step pa that I have *assets*

Alas I money runs through my fingers like water.

I am attempting baby steps to rectify this (currently more home cooking, discovering the joys of Lidl for cheap staple food - OMG so very cheap! - and not visiting/eating at the Temple of Coffee twice a day 5 days a week!

Once I have finished unpacking and sorting the flat (heopfully end of Jan) I'm going to do a real hit on finance. Logging on to moneyexpert and sorting out all those *koff* unopened peices of post.

So yeah - you got both my sympathy (so know what it's like to have the drifts of paperwork to do) and admiration (for getting on with it)!

[parthenia14.livejournal.com]

Well, I get paid very, very irregularly. I square everything up once a year, when I pay my tax bill, and in between I boing from one payment to the next. My income goes up and down from year to year; when I feel poor I stop spending and when I feel well off I spend in a carefree manner.

Trouble is, I don't keep on top of it at all well, and I mentally compartmentalise things, saving money in one place and squandering it in another. On the whole B. and I just meander through but once again he is supremely organised and I'm just a ne'er do well. Supremely organisaed people DO NOT GET why some of us, um, don't open their post for a month week or two. Pfft, I know what's inside: why would I confirm it.

[ruric.livejournal.com]

Exactly! Why open it when you know what's going to be in it!

[parthenia14.livejournal.com]

OMG

The Demotivator. (http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/protect/demotivator/#resultslocation)

[ruric.livejournal.com]

Hee - I shall play with this at home tonight *G*

[abigail89.livejournal.com]

*joins you in the temple of financial stupidity*

I look at my debts and think, "How the hell did we get to this place?" And then it hits me, "Oh, yeah. Spendthrifts R us."

So the next year is devoted to paying down the home equity loan (which, admittedly, we used the biggest chunk of to purchase the Zoom-Zoom car, which we now own outright) and getting ready to send Boy1 to university.

I have way too expensive tastes for a low-salaried hack.

[parthenia14.livejournal.com]

I think I comfort spend the way other people comfort end. As I don't get paid regularly, it's hard to keep things consistent.

The issues that I'm just dealing with at the moment are to do with becoming aware of where the money goes (and in particular where my situation is completely leaking money) and working towards at least knowing where it all is and that it's organised as best it can be.

Family expenditure is stupendous, though. One nearly-teenager with designer preferences, one little girl, lots of growing, and lots of birthdays. One house with a broken-down central heating system (now mended...)

[cordelia_v]

I am really pleased for you that you're forcing yourself to fix all this, step by step. That takes a lot of self-discipline and backbone. Seriously. But I don't think you should despise yourself for being fuzzy about money math and paperwork. As far as I can tell, most (well, at least half) of my friends and family constantly indulge in wishful thinking, rationalizations liek woah, and refusal to do paperwork when it comes to financial management.

This set of issues is far too common to be just an individual character flaw, I mean.

And here's my theory, such as it is: I think that money is like food, in terms of the psychological values it can carry for many people. There are many reasons why people are overweight (me, I eat a little too much, consistently, and exercise too little). But apparently for many, it's because food = emotions. I mean, they eat to feel better, or eat because food represents some other set of loaded emotional issues for them. And I think that money is the same way. Often, when couples or families bicker about money/property, I've noticed that what they're really fighting about . . isn't money.

Managing your weight and managing your budget really are parallel skills, IMO. Both require consistent self-discipline and self-awareness, which is really hard to achieve year after year.

Anyway. My two cent observation. Mostly, I'm really pleased for you and impressed that you're doing this.

[parthenia14.livejournal.com]

Strangely enough, some of the self-discipline is, I swear, on the back of deciding to give up alcohol in January. I'm doing that, and it's hard but not too hard. This is about the only self-discpline I've managed in a long while, and it's acted a little bit like a gateway.

As I said above, I don't totally have a plan for this, but I think if I can bite off one thing a day, I might just get there.

You're right about how common this is. You'd think that self-hatred would be a disincentive, but while you hate the behaviour in yourself, you can get very, very stuck in it.

[deililly.livejournal.com]

If there is a temple of financial stupidity as someone else mentioned then I am also a regular attender. Hell I never leave. If it makes you feel better I went all the way the point when the post wasn't opened and the phone wasn't answered either. No one could possibly be crapper than me at dealing with money stuff.

I am better now. Gods it was a hard road and I think I am still only halfway to anywhere.

So yeah bloody well done you. :)

[parthenia14.livejournal.com]

I should really attend the temple of financial stupidity but I never get up in time, LOL.

I've been much worse than this at other points in my life - this means that I KNOW not to take the store card/the 3-month freebie/the 0% finance - but there are a fair amount of shite decisions that require further unravelling. Each one them is a real effort to sort out. The chat at my bank yesterday led to an appointment for next week that is going to be massively more embarrassing, but still.

Paying self-assessment tax is my annual wake-up call - at the very least I'd like to be far more confident throughout the year that I've actually got the funds to pay it.

It is a bloody hard road, so well done yourself.

[deililly.livejournal.com]

I remote attend from under my duvet :P

The bank might be embarrassing but I bet half the bank workers can do money management at work well and are still shit at managing it in their own lives. I know of at least one like that.

Thanks. I am still fairly ashamed of it. And the knowledge if someone offered to do all the money stuff for me I would drop it on them and run like a whippet without stopping. Most of my boo boo's seem to come from the fuzzy hope that if I sit there it will either go away or someone else will magically do it for me. If digital banking didn't exist I would be in a lot more trouble. Banking from the temple under the duvet is a lot less painful that the full body contact affair banking used to be!

[jonem.livejournal.com]

*awards you gold sticker*

Wooo! Go you!

[parthenia14.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I suspect there's nothing for you in this post - you're a man made of steely self-discipline and good habits. And spreadsheets.

[jonem.livejournal.com]

What makes you think my spreadsheets aren't the props of a man who'd be in exactly the same situation as you otherwise?

If I let myself, I'd be spending like a demon - it's only because I've trained myself to reign back and actually track my expenditures that I'm okay now. Thank goodness I'm compulsive enough to *keep* doing it!

[parthenia14.livejournal.com]

Yep, fair enough. What looks easy and elegant from the outside often isn't. I aspire to being a bit more compulsive on this one...

[lookfar.livejournal.com]

Oh, I am so with you on clinging to being fluffy about money. My husband is somewhat less fluffy, but when I hear people say things about their budgets, I feel ashamed. We always spend a little more than we make but we're not in debt because we inherited some monies. But we're vague about it, especially me. I always tell myself that if Toby drops dead, I'm going to learn how to live within a budget.

[parthenia14.livejournal.com]

Yes. I think this coming year may be a lot tougher for my freelance business, in which case 'being vague' isn't really going to work very well. I suspect that simply being more conscious of what goes where could help save a whole lot of unnecessary expense that I probably won't miss.

[f4f3.livejournal.com]

Look, don't laugh. Promise me you won't laugh.
Years ago, I realised that I couldn't be trusted with money. Not opening letter was the give away. And then, after that, the amount of letters I had to not open. I was still paying for the suit I graduated in when I started my third job (Burton's store card). I still, technically, owe Glasgow District Council poll tax. No, not council tax, poll tax.
When I went self-employed, I was lucky enough to have a friend who was an accountant, and who took on my money handling chores. I outsourced what I wasn't good at, so at least the tax gets paid (I also, for a year or two, did without credit cards. As a result, I have no credit history and can't get a loan, but what the fuck. Iceland can't get a loan).
Except now, and you promised you wouldn't laugh, as the self-assessment deadline approaches, I'm faced with a huge pile of unopened letters.
From my accountant.
You laughed, didn't you?

[parthenia14.livejournal.com]

Poll tax...Uhuh.

I'm not laughing - I haven't even begun to calculate the amount I was paying in interest last year. I daren't. And it's mostly down to a stubborn, emotional refusal to engage with the whole thing.

The only way this is working is by me looking at the situation and coldly ticking off the next thing on the list. The next item looks way simpler, but I know it won't be, and I will still have a big fight with myself to get it done rather than take action.

[lyras.livejournal.com]

I hear you on all of this (including the not opening financial post). I'm going to have to open some in the next few days, but it'd be so much pleasanter to fritter away the time I should spend on finances here on LJ.

I think I'm slowly making the unpalatable job into a little treat, making the tedious chore a bit more meaningful.

I love this idea, and am v. glad it's working for you.

Off to check out the Demotivator now. *shudders*

[parthenia14.livejournal.com]

I completely, completely struggle to open my financial post. It piles up for quite a while - most of what I get is quite routine confirmation, but what I don't do is keep opening, keep in touch with what's happening.

The most useful thing I've done recently is to get a weekly balance from the bank; but I had a year of getting the weekly balance before I could do stuff like opening the post. And i only managed that yesterday - who knows whether i'll manage it tomorrow?