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partheniaI have always thought that I had loads to wear, only it was very badly organised. After two weeks of unrelentingly shitty overwork, I spent a couple of hours on Friday culling my wardrobe contents in advance of getting the Winter stuff out of storage. Then I culled the Winter stuff before putting everything back neatly. (Why yes, I do have islands of self-organisation...)
Little E. helped me consign a few more 1980s power suits to the Great Bin Bag in the Sky ('No!! You look like a man, mummy!'). Several hours later, I had one bag of total rubbish, one bag of dry cleaning, and three bags destined for the Oxfam Clothing Bank.
My wardrobe is now half empty. It appears that I normally exist in one of 2 pairs of jeans, 15 strappy vest tops, and 2 long-sleeved T-shirts from that designer Mecca, Dorothy Perkins. When I go out, or go for a meeting, I do manage to dredge up all sorts of stuff from the suit-and-skirt end of my wardrobe, but (a) this stuff is somewhat too smart for working from home and (b) the mental effort required to pull it together is getting ridiculous.
Minor epiphany: what I now need is not so much 'smart casual' but something more like 'casual smart': stuff I can just, er, wear when working from home or going off to interview people. 'Interviewing people' also means 'carrying a modestly heavy backpack everywhere' and catching a lot of public transport.
I have decided that my target aesthetic should be Urban Bohemian, crossed with Clothes You Can Run In.
Anyway. Yes. Today I cased the British High Street (market town version).
Marks and Spencer After a couple of promising years, has completely lost the plot. Per Una range looking particularly menopausal. Local visual merchandisers should be shot - acres of black polyester skirts and dodgy knitwear.
Hobbs Still treading that Country Power Suit vibe. And dude, the shoes: £169 for a pair of lace-ups? I don't think so.
Zara Nice belts. Quite nice wafer-thin silky tunics, should your lifestyle support this look.
H & M Hideously godawful quality in shades of teal and mustard.
Next Trying, trying. I don't think Next trust their customers to get themselves dressed. They're really fond of sewing things together for you, like the green cardigan with a strappy cotton smock top spot-welded to the inside. They had some petite wide-leg trousers whick looked quite promising on the hanger but would have happily fitted an elephant.
French Connection Ruffles and pussy bows everywhere. Great for very thin young people ironically contrasting their caved-in cheekbones with the fantasy secretary look; some of us merely channel Margaret Thatcher on a bad hair day. Also: smocks with ruffles at the hip?
Ted Baker, Karen Millen, LK Bennett OK if your life consists only of cocktail parties. *sigh*
Top Shop I have a soft spot for Top Shop but really, no. Ruffles ruffles ruffles lace.
The shoes are gorgeous, though - they have the most beautiful multicoloured high heels. Kate Moss range is also very pretty to look at, although, y'know, irrelevant if you don't actually look like Kate Moss.
Reiss I will return to Reiss to suss out their very beautiful coats, but I tried on a pair of brown houndstooth check trousers which felt completely gorgeous. Inside the changing room, I realised I had picked up on the Newest Trend. 'Peg trousers', they call them. Any resemblance between peg trousers and the cropped, tapered, tucked-waisted monstrosities that M&S discreetly sells to old people on its 2nd floor is entirely in the customer's imagination.
Seriously, I don't think I've looked that fat in anything in a long time. They weren't exactly like these but somewhere close. Dude, if the bloody model looks fat, there's no hope.
My great white hope is Jigsaw.
Great unanswered questions, after an afternoon's window shopping:
Why can you only buy black/navy jeans or weirdo grey polyester pinstripe trousers on the British High street??
Why so many bloody ruffles? Don't well-endowed women buy clothes?
Why can't H&M and Top Shop match up the giant windowpane checks on their cheap tartan miniskirts?
Why are It bags so heavy, even when they're empty?
Sigh. The thing is, this is why I buy shoes, and scarves, and jewellery, rather than clothes. Shoe buying makes me happy. Clothes buying: not so much. And I still make mistakes with clothes all the bloody time. About a third of what I buy, more or less, just doesn't work. Meh.
Wish list
I think I'm going to have to go with accessories, once again. I really really want some biker-influenced knee-length black boots and a short kilt. Sorry. *cough*Vivienne Westwood*cough* I'm such an old punk. I looooooove fashion. Unfortunately it can take me or leave me.
