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I think I only have a finite amount of writing capacity and at the moment it is being eaten up by my saddo Marketing 101 attempts to curry favour with my work blog and schmooze on Twitter.

I have started reading fantasist small business marketing books again. This cannot end well. These are like my pile of 10 decluttering books that lie in a pile by the side of the bed. They are about hope and fantasy rather than ACTION. Well. Perhaps they're a preliminary to action.

It's my birthday tomorrow and I will be Even Fucking Older Than I Am Now. As someone who visualised the years after 18 as a roiling mist, my advanced age is just beyond comprehension. Unfortunately, I've been terrible about everyone else's birthdays this year and so Karmic Retribution has decreed that B. is away at some bloody conference in the Netherlands for the next 4 days. This is not what is required.

Also, every retailer that I've ever bought anything from ever keeps emailing me bright ideas for Mother's Day. My mother's day. Amazon thinks my mum would like a sappy romantic comedy (Amazon is brighter than I give it credit for). White Stuff thinks my mum would like some pretty clothes. The bullion dealer (yes, really) thinks that she'd like a wittle beading set.

Most mysteriously, some outfit called The Cowshed emailed me:

Hello Parthenia 14!

Show Mum You Care!

Now is the time to start thinking about ways to spoil your Mum. We've got loads of great gifts to help you make your Mum's day extra special, from Beautiful Bird Houses to a Relaxing Hammock.


1) Er, not that you're being deliberately mean, retailers, but some of us don't actually have live mothers?

2) A bird house. Is there some connection between 'spoiling your Mum' and 'nesting box' that I'm missing here?

Mysteriously, Play.com has not yet recommended Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.

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At Home I'm A Tourist

February 2014

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